[content note: health care, abuse, surgery, cancer, death]
the little things like:
there is only so much
the human body can take
(which i know)
the degree a wrist
— or a mind —
can bend before breaking
(which i do not know)
and whether the bruises
on the inside of that wrist
means the white coats will send her away
or, if not them,
when she is treated, released
men in other uniforms will send her further away
after college a friend posted a photo of her medical bills
“without insurance, i would be dead”
two years later, she was, anyway
“cancer is possible, come back in six months”
I swallowed the fear, stopped going instead
for more that two years, i stayed away
cells may have been dividing
secretly growing, plotting, slow burn
(but i did not want to know)
if you hold on to something too long
the release loses its joy,
which I learned, when i finally did go
we call ourselves survivors
— it’s what we (most of us) do, survive —
struggling to breathe, to last
to just … stay alive
in three months four friends
went under the blade
cut into, not cut short
women carrying cysts, fibroids
their pre-existing trauma made
cut away, then cut more
there is always more coming
so much more and still,
still more i do not know
audrey kuo 